Have
you ever doubted that God existed? I
have. Even after I had been a believing “born-again”
Christian I came to the point where I thought I was deluding myself. Maybe I made it all up just to feel like I “belonged”
somewhere. This time of turmoil in my
life came when I was on a short-term mission trip to Jamaica. I went with our outreach group to a local
hospital in the mountains and as we visited a children’s ward my heart started
grieving over the lives of the children I saw.
Overcrowded beds and cribs were filled with two to three children in
each bed/crib. I saw an eight year old
girl dying, gasping for her final breaths, and no one touching her or holding
her hand. How could there be a God in
the world tolerating such injustice?!
After
visiting this hospital I got off by myself and decided I was going to determine
this issue about God once-and-for-all. I
prayed cried and prayed some more. I
called out to God, “Are You really there?
Do You really exist?” I felt
angry and betrayed. “If You are really
there, God, answer me!”
After
I had cried so much I could not work up another tear and after I has spent
myself emotionally I just quietly sat there.
I heard this very quiet voice ask me, “If I fail you, will you still
trust Me?”
Does
God fail us? No. But God was seeking a yielding in my heart
and life. You see, I had a worldly
concept of God and what His justice is.
Like the world I hated to see suffering and considered it unjust…AND
BLAMED IT ON GOD! God wanted me to yield
this “stinking thinking” to Him. He knew
the only way was for me to actually make the commitment to trust Him even if He
failed me. I made this commitment that
day and grew ever so much closer to Him.
I discovered the fact that although belief can be supported by what we
see, it is ESTABLISHED by total yielding to God whether we see the desired
results or not.
I
think the song “If Heaven Never Was Promised To Me”, written by Andre Crouch
and recorded by Christian recording artist Evie Tornquist, says it best:
You
may ask me, why do you serve the Lord?
Is
it just for heaven’s gain?
Or
to walk those mighty streets of gold,
And
to hear the angels sing?
Is
it just to drink from the fountain?
That
never shall run dry,
Or
to live forever, ever and ever,
In
that sweet, sweet by and by?
Well,
if heaven never was promised to me,
Neither
God’s promise to live eternally,
It’s
been worth just having the Lord in my life,
Living
in a world of darkness, but He brought me the Light
If
there were never any streets of gold,
Even
a land where we will never grow old,
It’s
been worth just having the Lord in my life,
Living
in a world of darkness, but He brought me the Light
Well,
He’s been my closest Friend down through the years,
And
every time I’ve cried, you know He’s dried all my tears,
It’s
been worth just having the Lord in my life,
Living
in a world of darkness, but He brought me the Light
